Our second session was GREAT! With laptop in hand, we were ready to discuss the things we had listed as opportunities to build a great marriage. Funny, we didn't even think about sex! Maybe there's some truth to what Dr. Phil says. "If you have a good sex life, sex counts about 5%. But if you don't have a good sex life, it's 95% in importance." Now, he didn't say it exactly like that, but that's the gist of it.
I gotta tell you. Our counselor is da bomb dot com!!!! Her wisdom just confounds me. It's not just the stuff that makes you get excited. It's that kind of wisdom that soaks through your clothes and washes your spirit. I swear I want to take notes. This time was no different. She takes what we bring her - no matter how unflattering - and gives it back to us full of hope and promise. So different. Many times counselors speak to you as if you don't know anything and they have to make sure they point it out to you. She doesn't. She reveals the gold in our struggle and presents it to us, much to our amazement and joy.
One such piece of wisdom was we aren't suppose to become one. I can see your mouth dropping in surprise. Mine did too. That's the utopia of a good marriage, right? She clarified. "You will become of one mind or move towards one goal but you are still two different people." It is what is uniquely different that evokes the best self out of the other. She pointed to Rob getting down on one knee in a crowded restaurant and proposing. "You know where that came from, don't you?," she asked. "Suzette! Her confidence is rubbing off on you." We laughed but there was some truth to it.
The more we challenge the other to move beyond limiting beliefs and behaviors, the more liberated we become. It's like training for a marathon. It hurts to get in shape. Changing your diet, working out, and increasing the miles you run is grueling. Still, you get up early and do whatever you have to do to get in marathon-running shape. The big day comes. Like others, you stand in starting position waiting for the signal to start. As you run, you remember what you've learned. You hydrate. You pace yourself. You breathe as you have been conditioned to. When you feel like you can't go on, you remember what your trainer told you. Others pass by you, but you don't get alarmed. You remind yourself that it's a marathon and the goal is to finish the race. You see the finish line up ahead. You heart is about beat out of your chest. Your head is pounding. Perspiration is running down your face. Your legs feel like rubber yet you keep going. Once you cross that finish line, it's all worth it. So it is with marriage.
A great marriage is the goal of all that we are doing. Some areas are quite a strain and don't feel good to explore, but we strengthen our core through resistance. "Strength training tears your muscles down to rebuild them much stronger than before." She suggested that if we see challenges as growth, then our life together will be growth and celebration. Even the most difficult of circumstances is an opportunity to grow. To grow more as a person. To grow more as a couple. That's worth celebrating!
At the conclusion of the session, I asked if our counselor had gotten my email. I had asked her about officiating the wedding. To our happiness, she consented! Yay! We don't want a traditional wedding ceremony. We want something that represents us and our journey. She is the perfect person! This only reinforces what my heart knows. If you plan for the marriage, the wedding will take care of itself.
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