Friday, April 28, 2017

What Is Your Enough Factor City-to-City Tour Ends Tomorrow

It all comes down to this!  Tomorrow, April 29th, is the last tour stop in our city-to-city tour of "What Is Your Enough Factor?"  

So what happens after that?  Do we go back to life as usual?  I certainly hope not.  The choice is up to you.  You can get help or go back to life as usual.  If life as usual were preferred, you wouldn't be here now would you?    

Still, this seems to be the hardest step for high performing women.  They will spend hundreds of dollars on everything else, and justify it, but will continue to be powerless in their relationships with men.

Now, that's the head-scratcher.  If you discovered a valve in your heart wasn't working, would you spend money on a new car?  No, you'd go to a doctor--quick, fast and in a hurry.

The truth is

Settling is the elephant that gets fed every single time knowledge comes and is not acted upon.  Let me bring that elephant out of the shadows and into the light.  Besides, it's stinking up the room and doing a number (two) on your carpet.  It's:

  • Thinking that the aha moments you had during the tour are enough
  • Allowing your current mindset to accurately process this new information
  • Excusing yourself from taking the next right step because you "can't afford it," you've got too much going on in your life right now, or any plausible explanation that keeps you in your comfort zone
  • Avoiding the work, convincing yourself that meeting Mr. Right will fix it all

These four common responses are the poop your elephant has left all over your romantic life.  Awful!

Here's the deal.  If you want something different, you've got to do something different.  Get that elephant out of your house and go get that great love you deserve.

Here's how.  I invite you to enroll in my 4-week program.  (Now why would I send you somewhere else when I've brought you this far?) There's a special price for my Enough Factor women.  It's only for a limited time though.  You already know how badly you want your life to change.

Thursday, April 27, 2017

My Two-Step Emotional Detox

My love journey required an emotional detox. Here's my two-step formula.

Step One:  Do an emotional cleanse.  

Pain doesn't just go away.  It simply goes into volcano posture.  At first it looks as if everything is fine.  There is no spewing.  No smoke.  Only an occasional gurgle.  What we don't understand is there is still activity.  The pain is still there.  Give it time and the right conditions and it will gush molten lava, burning up everything that it comes in contact with.  Relationships are destroyed by its cascade of destruction.

When you stop feeling the pain or meet a new man, it is easy to think that everything is okay.  How you feel throughout the progression is more telling.

Step Two:  Eat healthy.

Just as it is counterproductive to buy a greasy hamburger after a detox, it is counterproductive to feed yourself the same toxic diet of erroneous beliefs.  The way you challenge those beliefs and exorcise them from your body is to feed yourself by educating yourself.

Find out what healthy looks like in a man.  As I said in my previous post, Don't Give A Man A Paycheck He Didn't Earn, we women assume that giving demonstrates that we are "good women," wife material, a keeper.  Your girlfriends believe the same.  Here's the thing.  You aren't dating your girlfriends.  You are dating men.  Men see things completely different.  So, in order to be effective in your relationships with men, you need to know his language (how he communicates love and respect) and his culture (how he's wired).

Wednesday, April 26, 2017

Don't Give A Man A Paycheck He Didn't Earn

After attending the Kick Off of "What Is Your Enough Factor?," one of the attendees posted a video of Mary J. Blige as she talks publicly about her heart-wrenching break up from her husband.  Check it out:

Dr. John Gray, author of Men Are From Mars Women Are From Venus said this.  "Don't give a man a paycheck he didn't earn."  We women think "holding down" a man until he gets back on his feet or offering to cook him dinner when you're only one date in tells him you are a keeper.  Quite the contrary.  It tells him that for little effort, he can get your best.

A man doesn't deserve a paycheck for making you feel good.

My heart goes out to Mary, yes, but her's is a cautionary tale for any woman who is exchanging glances with another woman -- you know that knowing glance that says, "happened to me too."  I have to call bull shiggety on that!  Somewhere along the way somebody modeled for us that feelings of euphoria with a man earns him a big whopping paycheck.  It doesn't.

A man is not responsible for your heart.  I know that we women want to make him the culprit; but are you ready for some grown woman truth?  You had to betray you before he did.  Self betrayal is limping away from a break up without attending to what got broken.  That, he is not responsible for.

From the day Mary came on the scene, her songs were about one bad relationship after another.  For years, Mary's songs were the soundtrack for every lovelorn emotion.  As much as I love the mean (in a good way) beats and arrangements of her songs, the lyrics were the wailings of a tortured soul.   When you are begging a man to stay with you, something is broken inside of you that needs attention. It doesn't matter that she went through a transformation after getting married that landed her on Hollywood's Best Dressed List.  If you put lip stick on a pig, it is still a pig.  I'm not calling Mary a pig.  She is a beautiful and talented woman.  What I mean is no matter how you dress something up, the truth of what it is remains.  

To read more about my two-step emotional detox, click here.

Tuesday, April 25, 2017

A Man Who Treats You Right Is The New Sexy

If you don't know, you better ask somebody!  Gone are the days of falling for bad boys and fixer uppers.  For all their intensity and boyish charms, grown up women know that a man who treats you right puts them to shame.  When you understand that, it won't matter so much what package he comes in.  Whether his shoes match his outfit pales in comparison.  As one of my "What Is Your Enough Factor?" attendees said, "That's cosmetics.  That can be fixed."

So ladies, stop dismissing men because of cosmetics.  All diamonds start out in dirt and aren't even recognizable except to a trained eye.  When someone who knows diamonds finds one, that person is happy before it's refined and spit-shined.  Like diamonds or any precious stone, a person's true value is discovered and uncovered.  A man who treats you right is sexy as heck!!

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then, Fuel your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Monday, April 24, 2017

There's A Duality to Life! There's A Duality to Love!

Have you ever gotten bad news and good news on the same day?  You can get a distress call and immediately drop to your knees.  And before you can gather yourself, you get good news that makes you want to jump up and down.  Life is filled with dualities just like this.

Love is the same.  On the heels of an unexpected break up, you can walk into a coffee shop and meet the man who is your life partner.  Martha Beck, whose writings have brought such revelation to my life over the years, wrote an article that points out the new babies born out of endings.  Have you noticed them?  Many of us don't notice until they get up some size.

As devastating as it was, the end of my marriage released little bundles of joy into my life that would grow up to be recovery of my soul, business ownership, and finding true love.  As painful as the ending was, these babies would not have been born otherwise.

Things might be tough right now.  Your heart might be broken.  Still, I encourage you to notice the positive things that start off as specks that grow up into something beautiful.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Friday, April 21, 2017

Straight Wives Matter

Every first Sunday, I have the pleasure of cohosting the Straight Wives Radio Show with Gay Husband Expert, Bonnie Kaye.  Recently, she shared with me and her listeners an initiative she's starting called Straight Wives Matter.

Now for those who don't know that much about gay husbands and straight wives, it might seem like an oxymoronic misprint.  Why would a person who is gay seek an intimate partnership with someone who is not?  That's a great question.  Just the same, it happens everyday.  In fact, by Bonnie's estimate, "there are 4 million women in this country and millions more around the world who find themselves unknowingly married to a gay or bisexual man."

Straight Wives are an endangered species!

Women full of promise with lots of love to give have been duped into lives undeserving of them time and time again by men who have decided their deterioration is worth the cover story they wished to present to the world.  Then, when they decide to come out of the closet, they are celebrated; but their wives and children are forgotten.   Even in the dissolution of the marriage, the most a woman can state as the reason for the marriage ending is "irreconcilable differences."  A gross under representation of what actually destroyed the marriage, wouldn't you say?

Do you, Boo; just don't do me!

Don't misunderstand.  I believe that men and women should live and love as they choose.  And I have no problem with gay rights, gay pride, gay marriage and the fight for equality in the legal system. What does cause me pause however is the blatant disregard of the spouses and children who are left behind, whose quality of life is blown to smithereens and neither the Straight nor Gay communities seem to care.

If Straight Wives Matter to you, I invite you to contact Bonnie at her Gay Husbands, Straight Wives website or email her at  You see, when I had nobody to fully understand what I went through as a Straight Wife, Bonnie did.  I wouldn't be where I am today, married to a loving straight man and empowering women with a message that true love is possible, had I not mattered to her.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

Don't Let Fear Of Getting Hurt Hijack Your Self Value

As I continue my "What Is Your Enough Factor?" Tour, a recurring lament on the lips of many women is fear of getting hurt. "I don't want to get hurt again," I hear over and over again. That fear manifests in a lot of different ways (we discuss 10 of them during our workshop), but the way that is most lethal is low self value.

Women are so stuck in a mindset that hijacks their self value that they cannot move forward with their lives.  Some precipitating relationship event has them so intimidated that they take a step and rush right back to the comfort of their cells. It's not the fear that's the problem.   Fear is always present in our lives.  Fear has never stopped us from what we feel bound and determined to have.  What is the problem is seeing herself as less important than all the reasons she gives herself to stay locked up. That is what women should fear; for that is more dangerous than anything a man could ever do to them.

Stop serving what's over! 

I read somewhere that if what's in front of you is not more powerful than what's behind you, you will never move forward.  The jury has come back with a "not guilty," and the judge has acquitted you. All that's left is for you to leave the prison cell.  With that in mind, I have the car pulled around, ready to take you to your new destination.  My only question is what's that worth to you?  Once you answer that for yourself, you have put something more compelling in front of you.

My "What Is Your Enough Factor?" Tour is that very enticement.  It is to put something Bigger in front of you than what has held you captive for these months or even years.  It's something that makes freedom more desirable than remaining in a dank cell.  You are holding the key.  Unlock the door and come to one of our tour locations.  

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!