Don't Let Fear Of Getting Hurt Hijack Your Self Value

As I continue my "What Is Your Enough Factor?" Tour, a recurring lament on the lips of many women is fear of getting hurt. "I don't want to get hurt again," I hear over and over again. That fear manifests in a lot of different ways (we discuss 10 of them during our workshop), but the way that is most lethal is low self value.

Women are so stuck in a mindset that hijacks their self value that they cannot move forward with their lives.  Some precipitating relationship event has them so intimidated that they take a step and rush right back to the comfort of their cells. It's not the fear that's the problem.   Fear is always present in our lives.  Fear has never stopped us from what we feel bound and determined to have.  What is the problem is seeing herself as less important than all the reasons she gives herself to stay locked up. That is what women should fear; for that is more dangerous than anything a man could ever do to them.

Stop serving what's over! 

I read somewhere that if what's in front of you is not more powerful than what's behind you, you will never move forward.  The jury has come back with a "not guilty," and the judge has acquitted you. All that's left is for you to leave the prison cell.  With that in mind, I have the car pulled around, ready to take you to your new destination.  My only question is what's that worth to you?  Once you answer that for yourself, you have put something more compelling in front of you.

My "What Is Your Enough Factor?" Tour is that very enticement.  It is to put something Bigger in front of you than what has held you captive for these months or even years.  It's something that makes freedom more desirable than remaining in a dank cell.  You are holding the key.  Unlock the door and come to one of our tour locations.  

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Two Ways To Get Your Heart Back

You probably read my previous post, I Left My Heart In San Francisco, and thought to yourself, How do I get my heart back?  (If you didn't, it's a good read).  Well, I heard you and have the answer.  It's a 2-step process:

• Own it.  You have to own the fact that you were a participant in whatever relationship drama, defect or arrangement.  Even more important though is owning the decision you made that had absolutely nothing to do with the man.  You see, you made the decision to defect on your heart.  Something made you walk away from your heart that had little to do with him and that, my dear sister, is what you have to own.
     
• Feel it.  This is so hard for us high performing women.  We know how to work at stuff but have a hard time allowing ourselves to feel.  We don't trust our feelings.  Somebody somewhere told us not to.  Strength was to stop crying, dry our eyes and get back to work.  This is the worst thing you can do for whatever you don't resolve sours in the stomach of your self image and self esteem.  Feeling it allows you to be a friend to yourself and to get curious about the feeling.  This my dear sister is the path to Wisdom.

Your heart was, is and will forever be yours.  So you can continue to leave it with someone who doesn't deserve it or you can grown woman up and do what you have to do to heal it.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Do You Have A Dating Personality?

The buzz word for dating nowadays is authenticity.  But what does that mean?  When you've been defined by your performance most of your life - as have I - it is hard to know where your personality ends and you begin.

Your dating personality is your representative. Your PR agent of sorts.  It's how you show up in your relationships.  Dr. Michelle Callahan, an expert fixture on the popular Tyra Banks Show during its 5 season run and author of one of the most insightful books I've ever read, Ms. Typed, identifies at least 10:

• Ms. Soul Mate
• Ms. Independent
• Ms. Perfect
• Ms. Anaconda
• Ms. Mom
• Ms. Sex Machine
• Ms. Rose Colored Glasses
• Ms. Second Place
• Ms. Bag Lady
• Ms. Drama Queen

I have concluded that fueling these dating personalities is one thing:  not knowing what your enough factor is.  Not knowing leaves you feeling insecure about yourself and about your relationships.  The real you is MIA (missing in action) and a man is left with your insecurity to deal with.  That's so not what he had in mind!

To learn what your enough factor is and how to relate authentically, I invite you to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and to follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS.

Until then, Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith...Not Insecurity!

When Is The Right Time To Have "The Talk" With A Man

Although women want to know where they stand from the beginning with a man, we struggle with when we should ask.  As a result, many a woman finds her voice, her value and her vision for the relationship have all been compromised.  So when is the right time to have "the talk" with a man?  I'm going to answer that question with a more important one.  When is the right time to know what your intentions are?

We women play games with ourselves sometimes.  We tell ourselves that there is no harm.  We tell ourselves that we can handle it. We tell ourselves that if things don't work, we can get out.  All of this is right in theory only; not often in practice. Think about it. You are the one who stands to win or to lose. This is why it is important that a woman be certain of her own feelings, her own needs and where she is at this time in her life. Sometimes, like Iyanla Vanzant, she discovers that what she thought she wanted, she really doesn't at all.  

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

What Grown Women Know About Break Ups That Bitter Women Will Never Know

A divorce or break up can be devastating.  What you entered into with hope and commitment crumbles right before your eyes and there is nothing you can do about it.  Sometimes, this leaves women shaken especially in their confidence, making it hard to trust a new man.

What grown women know about break ups is all relationships end.  Some relationships end because someone wants out. Others because someone dies.  In either case, there is an expiration date on relationships.  This, grown women know. When women understand this, it makes it easier to move on. Though it hurt very badly, was very disappointing, was a betrayal of epic proportions or required a couple of rounds with the Stages of Grief, she understands that she owns no one.  Sometimes things swing in her favor and sometimes they don't.  While none of that is in her control, one thing is.  She can choose healing over bitterness.  She can take back her heart back and make sure it gets the healing that it needs.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

How to Know If He's Mr. Right

There is no iron clad formula for figuring out if a man is Mr. Right.  But this is who he is not.  He is not someone you've got to impress or accommodate or adjust to.  He is not someone who makes you feel like he likes the idea of you better than he likes you.  Whether right feels like a man who asks you to dance or the man who brings you soup when you tell him that you don't feel well, there is something in your emotional DNA that knows that special kind of easy breeziness of your Mr. Right.

So keep your eyes and heart open.  Tune into the sound of your own music and do your own math.  If his sound doesn't resonate with yours and something simply doesn't add up, trust what your Wise Self knows.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

How to Change Your Man's Mind About These Three Words: Can We Talk

Say the words, "Can we talk," and your man's whole disposition changes.  Why is that?  "It normally means I've done something wrong," a man will tell you.  But what if those words didn't mean that?  

Someone once said that men are motivated by reward. Suppose you made his experience of "can we talk," rewarding? Maybe he wouldn't hate it.  I look at it as similar to communication between parents and their kids.  Studies show that if they talk about a whole lot of nothing, it is much easier to talk when it matters.  Perhaps this applies to conversations between lovers too.  Try it.  Try surprising your man by asking him,"Can we talk?" Then talk about something worthy of conversation and invite his input.  Men love to solve problems and be the hero.  You can create that experience for him.  Know this though.  In order to change his mind you're going to have to do it more than once.  Tell me how it goes.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Does The Man You're Dating Make You Feel Like He's Waiting For Someone Else To Show Up?

Have you ever gone out with a guy and though he was super polite and very complimentary, he seemed easily distracted, eyes looking away as if he were waiting for someone else to show up?  That use to leave me feeling puzzled until a guy friend of mine let me in on a secret.  "He's not sure you're the one, so he wants to keep his options open," my guy friend told me.

So what's a woman to do?  Just sit around and wait for the man to make his mind up? No!  It's time to roll up your sleeves and go into keeper mode.  At least that's what many women think. In my best Dr. Phil voice, however, I have to ask, "How is that working for ya?" Just because he's enjoying what he's getting does not mean the pendulum is swinging in your favor.  I suggest a second option.  Give him some space and go on about your full and joyous life. This I know for sure. He will figure things out much quicker and you won't feel stuck while he does.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

5 Signs You Might Be An Attention Junkie

He shows up to your house on time with a bouquet of flowers. He helps you with your coat and holds open the door as you exit.  He hurries to open the car door and off you go on your first date. That's the way an ideal date goes in your head.  So why isn't that your real life experience with dating? If the allure is at least he's paying attention--nobody else is-- then you might just be an attention junkie.

Here are 5 signs:

• You get angry when a guy takes your number and doesn't call as soon as you think he should.  Then when he does, you have to hide how upset you are.  
• If a man has to break a date because something came up unexpectedly.  You pretend to understand but deep down you fear he's seeing someone else or isn't interested.
• You crave the attention more than anything and will give his character defects a pass as long as he gives you the attention.
• You do things completely out of character so you won't lose his attention.  You keep his dog and you don't even like dogs.  You change the way you dress because he likes it and it doesn't even remotely look like you.  You'll even downplay your own needs to accommodate his.
• If there is a period where he's not as attentive and your efforts to regain his attention don't work, you experience a great deal of emotional discomfort almost to the point of desperation.  Like an addict going through withdrawal, you need to get that fix of attention.  

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

What High Performing Need Not Wear On A Date

When a man asks you out, one piece of clothing you need not wear on a date is your work.  While he welcomes hearing about how much you love what you do, a good man is interested in spending time with you not the job.  This is especially difficult for high performing women who tend to throw on that familiar work jacket especially when they are anxious or intimidated.
 
To help you shift from work you to grown and sexy you, here is my suggestion.  If you are meeting him after work, have an outfit that can easily transition from work to evening by removing the jacket and exposing your lovely neckline.  Loosen your hair or muss it up a little. And this might sound a little silly but trust me on this.  Put on some music and dance around bare footed before you meet him.  I promise you, you'll bring a lovely energy to the date.  When you get nervous or catch yourself tensing up, call on that woman who was dancing just moments before.  

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

How to Be Open Without Closing The Door on Your Standards

Read a blog about relationships and sandwiched in the 10 Steps To A This or How To Do That is this statement, "Be open." What does that mean? How do you stay open without closing the door on your standards?  How do you not cross the line?

It's simple music and math, I think.  The music is your voice. It's what you want deep down.  The melody in your soul.  The math is your value. It's the value you place on what you want. When there are inequities, it means you either aren't sure of what you want or you don't know for sure that what you are doing will get you what you want. In order to be open without closing the door on your standards, you have to be sure. Completely committed to your voice and your value.  That is what keeps you accountable to your vision.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

How To Flirt Without Saying A Word

Some think that flirting is a lost art.  Well, it's not. In fact, when we are teenagers, flirting comes naturally.  Young girls are very in touch with their feminine side.  When we get a few years and a few relationship mishaps under our belt, we lose what once came so naturally.  Don't worry.  It's just like riding a bike. Once you've learned, you never forget.  With some practice, you can get it all back without trouble.

The key is tapping back into your feminine energy.  No matter how much pressure you get from the workplace and the demands of day-to-day life or how many people forego their pure femininity to go full on sexy, it's still there.  All you have to do is think about how it feels to be in love.  It all comes back. Remember that feeling? Just the thought made the light return to your eyes.  When you talked about him, there was a girliness that came from inside you.  It was in the way you looked at him and the look you got when you talked about him.  In fact, next time a man looks at you, I want you to channel that energy (if you think he's attractive, of course).  Look up at him for about 3 seconds, smile, drop your eyes then look back up.  Trust me, after you do that, your inner flirt will take it the rest of the way.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Why Having Too Much Chemistry Can Kill A Budding Romance

Ask most daters what they are looking for when they meet the opposite sex for the first time and they'll tell you chemistry. Here's why a lot of chemistry kills a budding romance.

Chemistry is like fire.  If the fire is contained, it brings warmth and comfort.  If the fire is not, it can destroy everything!  By the same token, a lot of chemistry might give you both a rush.  But what do you have afterwards?  For men, it leaves little motivation to continue. This is a big surprise for women who can't figure out why he hasn't called them back or wonder what could have caused him to lose interest.  Unlike it is for men, for a woman, it is what makes her want more. She can't wait for him to call her again and she tells her friends that they made a real connection. I thought the same and then I talked with Dr. John Gray, author of MEN ARE FROM MARS WOMEN ARE FROM VENUS.  What he said made so much sense.  He explained the chemical affects on getting flooded with dopamine, the pleasure hormone, too soon in a relationship.  To keep that from happening, he suggests that you take things slow.  By doing so, you can maintain just enough pleasure to keep you both interested while increasing the likelihood of building something real.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

What Good Men Really Think About A Woman Making The First Move

If you are waiting for the man to make the first move, you might want to think again.  Good men have weighed in and what they have to say might surprise you.

While they agree that men are hunters, it doesn't mean that they like the risk of getting rejected by women.  In fact, good men like it when a woman asserts herself. Different from the aggressive woman who tries to take a page from a man's play book, the savvy grown woman knows how to give him the red light without breaking a sweat. Because she understands how men think and she knows her power, she sends invitations that are subtle and sexy.  It's a toss of her hair. It's a flirty smile.  It's walking away from the group she's with to give him clear access.  She does it with such class that no one else is any the wiser.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Did You Know That A Man Can Tell A Lot About You Just By The Way You Walk?

While Professor Mehrabian's often quoted and misquoted 7% rule is debatable, one thing you cannot deny.  Men read your body language before you even open your mouth.  In fact, he relies on it.  With one glance, he gets the cue that you're interested.  With another, that you're not.  The same is true about your walk.

What does your walk tell a man about you?  If he detects a musicality to your gait as if you're listening to your favorite song or are just happy with life, he takes away that you are approachable.  He sees a possible opening for him to interact with you.  On the other hand, if you're looking down and your Prada pumps are pounding the sidewalk with abject resolve, he gets the message, "Not interested. In a hurry.  Buzz off."  Rather than risk it, he's going to trust the wisdom of Shakira: The hips don't lie.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Why Friends With Benefits Make The Best Relationship Partners

Doesn't matter who came up with Friends With Benefits and the definition they gave it, the truth is Friends With Benefits make the best relationship partners. Before you write me off as a misogynist and demand my feminist card, let me explain.

By definition, a friend is someone we know and have an abiding affection for, right.  So building a strong friendship with the man you're interested in is a good thing.  But what about the word benefits. Let's take a look.  Contrary to the label, a benefit, put simply, is an advantage. In fact, benefit means to receive an advantage, profit or gain.  When you go out on a date with someone, you want to know what they have to offer else what's the point. So, how about ditching the label and build yourself a strong Friends With Benefits relationship.  Just make sure both of you are benefiting

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!

Why You Should Act Like A Lady, But NOT Think Like A Man

One of my favorite books on relationships is Steve Harvey's ACT LIKE A LADY THINK LIKE A MAN.  In it, he takes us deep into the man cave. I mean deep.  You know the places where there are locks on the doors that only men have the codes to.  In fact, his wisdom about how men think helped me a lot in the early days of dating my husband.  That said, I have to challenge the notion that a woman should think like a man.

Here's why.  I've had a front row seat for several years at the evolution in the way men and women relate.  Without a doubt, women have always run things: the home, the children, their men.  So that's nothing new.  But their strength was their ability to influence.  Never have I seen women so aggressively ambitious (oftentimes emasculating men then calling them weak because "they can't handle a strong woman") as I have seen in this present day of dating and relationships.  Perhaps, it's because we've eaten the lie that we are less when we've always been more.

For more hot tips just like this, be sure to catch one of our upcoming tour dates at a city near you at www.suzettesolutions.com/enough-factor and follow us on Facebook at #EnoughFactor #LIDS. Until then Fuel Your Enough Factor with Faith!!